Sands National Conference

Sands Conference 2009

A little life, not a little loss

The seventh biennial Sands national conference was held in Auckland on Friday August 7th and Saturday August 8th. The conference was hosted by Sands Auckland Central who all did an amazing job of organising a fantastic conference that was enjoyed by everyone.

A 'brief' report from Sands Auckland Central

At the 2005 conference in Christchurch, Sands Auckland Central agreed/volunteered (!) to organise the national Sands Conference 2009. We were excited and a little nervous about taking on this responsibility but I believe we rose admirably to the challenge!

In July 2008 we held our first conference committee meeting in my living room. We focused on choosing a theme, discussing venue possibilities and looking at our time line. We made no decisions but agreed some roles and set some tentative dates. By the end of August we had chosen our venue, by the end of November we had chosen our theme – everything else followed.

Our call for abstracts and initial flyers went out at the end of 2008. We hoped that our conference would be a forum for health/caring professionals and bereaved parents/families to come together, to share information & experiences of baby loss. We aimed to provide an educational programme raising awareness and promoting understanding of baby loss and grief. Our call for abstracts asked speakers to consider the theme ‘A little life, not a little loss’ and to look at meeting the possible needs of health professionals and/or parents who may be attending. 

We received a large number of abstracts (having been assisted by many national organisations in distributing our information) and set about the task of planning the sessions. Once international speakers, Sherokee Isle, Peter Barr and Liz Conway agreed to run sessions for us we felt we would be able to present the type of conference we were hoping for as they complimented our wonderful national speakers - Clare Ayers; Claudia Astorga-Ralph; Vicki Culling; Debbie Eade and the team at NICU, ADHB; Maari Gray; Jan Liddell & Rosemary Smart, Twin Loss; Simon Manning; Vicki Masson, PMMRC; Michelle Mill; Cherie Moran & Carleen Morris; Carolyn Necklen; Tomasina Stacey, TASS; Glenda Stimpson; Nimisha Waller. We sincerely thank you all for your time, energy and knowledge. 

The huge task of gaining grants and sponsorship saw elation and disappointment! We thank all who supported us and helped to make the conference affordable for delegates. Without their assistance the registration cost would have been astronomical. 

Our committee met monthly, then fortnightly, then weekly as we finalised the detail. The administrative and organisational tasks are too numerous to list but I would like you all to know that the relaxed attitude of Kiwi’s almost finished me off when the beginning of July saw only 60 registrations! Carol was probably sick of me asking ‘how many registrations do we have?’ (But then I took a couple of weeks break to have Neve and she could breath! – I meant Carol, but so could Neve which I still find hard to believe) ….Fortunately there was a flurry towards the end and we had 147 delegates on Friday and 138 on Saturday.  A big thank you to all those who joined us. 

Along with holding a Remembrance Service we felt it important to have a space where those who wished to take a moment could write a tag and hang it on our Sands Auckland Remembrance Heart. Catherine Bronnimann, from Sands Wanganui, brought along a painting by her husband, Andre, which provided another ‘space’ for thought and helped to confirm how important our precious babies are and always will be.

We wanted to provide an opportunity for those attending to ask questions of Sands parents and so arranged a Parents Panel. This was facilitated by Vicki Culling with questions answered by Justine Necklen, Donna Koot, Andy Lane, Rebekkah Lewis, Awhina Rogers & Angie Mansfield. We have had some really positive feedback on this session. Thank you to those who shared their babies here.

I cannot begin to tally the hours or angst that went into organising our conference but would like to wholeheartedly thank our conference committee for their time and energy:-Tania Cornwall, Alana Ramsay, Carol Gernhoefer, Sara Lane, Dawn Wood & Amanda Saines.

During the conference we couldn’t have managed without those who helped by providing a supportive ear to those who needed some time, introducing speakers, AV ‘stuff’, moving chairs, switching on lights, taking photos, handing out support information….the list goes on. You know who you are – thank you.  

We aimed to cover as wide a range of topics as possible in two day. However, we were unable to encompass all that is necessary and hope that 2011 can offer some of the sessions that we missed such as cultural approaches to grief & addressing sibling grief. 

We believe the conference was, overall, a huge success and are proud to have been part of such an event. My only regret (Justine from Sands Canterbury warned me about this) is that I didn’t get to join any sessions! I am looking forward to hearing the wonderful speakers at our 2011 conference hosted by Sands Bay of Plenty.

Now – in my retirement – I am thinking about organising a study day in Auckland next year……….Hope to see some of you there…… - Claire Wright, Conference Coordinator

With thanks to our sponsors – Allpress Espresso, Artisan Wines, Caffe L’affare, Canvas, Cartridge World Grey Lynn, Davis Funeral Homes, Digital Data Systems, Dil's Funerals, Fountain’s Funeral Directors & Advisors, Godfreys, Healtheries, Living Nature NZ, Lottery National Community Committee, Manukau City Funeral Services, Mehrts Tilling Limited, Sands Franklin, Tarsha Mehrtens Photography, Weleda, Westfield St Lukes, Whitcoulls

And all the individuals who have given generously in memory of their precious babies.

Remembrance Service - Friday 7 August, 2009

We felt it was vital that we began the conference with acknowledging how we had all come to be volunteering for Sands, to be Sands members or how our working lives had brought us here – we were and are, together because we have known babies who have died or the parents and families of those precious babies. It is also becoming a Sands ‘tradition’ to being our conferences with a time of remembrance and reflection.

The service was conducted by celebrant Clare Ayers, who quietly and sensitively walked us through a journey of remembering and loving our babies, and acknowledging our grief. There was a time for each participant to light a candle and float it in a bowl of water to remember our precious babies. During this ceremony, Keith and Angus played Tears in Heaven on the guitar and sax. Clare read a poem and talked about the transition from chrysalis to butterfly, and how this image could mirror the grief journey for many of us. She acknowledged the fact that our grief and our memories will be with us forever, and as we look towards the future with hope, like the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, so also we as people will be changed by our babies’ presence in our lives.

As the service ended, participants were invited to choose a little gemstone to take away as a personal remembrance symbol.

Thank you to Dil’s Funerals who kindly provided beautiful flower arrangements for us to enjoy, and also printed the service sheets that were available for people to take with them as another keepsake of this special time.

Our thanks also to Clare Ayers for giving her time, care and expertise, and Keith Shore & Angus Ramsay for the beautiful music. 

Our impressions - By Angus & Alana Ramsay

The biennial Sands National Conference was held on 7-8 August and Sands Auckland Central had the privilege of hosting it at Waipuna Hotel & Conference Centre. We were very privileged to have Sherokee Ilse from the USA and Peter Barr from Australia as our keynote speakers.

We would like to share a brief summary of the sessions we attended:

On Friday morning after the keynote speech Clare Ayers led a session exploring myths about grief.  This was a thought provoking insight into the expectations that our society has set around dealing with grief over the loss of a baby.  Some of the things that were discussed included the expectation that the grief should be dealt with in a fixed period of time (3 months?) and that a subsequent pregnancy will make everything alright again. 

Tomasina Stacey gave a very interesting presentation on the preliminary results of the Auckland Stillbirth Study. The stillbirth rate in NZ has been rising in recent times so researchers are keen to find out why this might be. She explained how the research was carried out, and what the initial findings are. I found it particularly interesting to hear about what the emerging risk factors for stillbirth might be, and how some are different to what has previously been explored in medical circles. 

Michele Mill from Davis Funerals walked us through the responsibilities of a funeral director, and what options they might be able to give a bereaved family when organising a funeral for a baby. This was very helpful information as sometimes families have quite different expectations and experiences when it comes to arranging a funeral.

Rosemary and Jan from Twin Loss spoke about “vanishing twin syndrome” – where a twin does not live past 12 weeks gestation, and what the effects on the surviving twin, and the parents might be. It was fascinating to hear about the research that has gone into this topic.

Sherokee Ilse lead a very interesting and thought provoking session entitled “Another Baby? Maybe..”.This focussed firstly on the many issues parents face when deciding whether to try for another baby following a loss such as how long to wait, and evaluating the risk both physical and emotional of subsequent pregnancy.  She also spent time looking at ways of coping with the fears and anxieties couples face during a subsequent pregnancy and how midwives and other health professionals can best support them.  This included some hands on role playing where one person played the part of a worried and anxious client while another played the part of a midwife.  The questions and answers that came out of this were quite enlightening and would have given everyone some good ideas around what to say in this difficult scenario.

Maari Gray presented a particularly interesting session describing her work alongside Perinatal Pathologist Jane Zuccollo in the Post Mortem Theatre.  This session was very full and had a lengthy question time at the end as there were many people attending who wanted more details about the process that would have been followed when their baby went for post mortem and some of the reasons behind these processes.

One of the last sessions on Friday afternoon was taken by Glenda Stimpson.  Glenda has 40 years of experience as a midwife much of which was spent at National Women’s Hospital in Auckland.  Glenda’s presentation was both entertaining and sad as she shared pictures, stories and quotes from the history of National Women’s Hospital.  It was pleasing to see the progress and changes that have been made over the years in the care of deceased babies, their parents and families.

On Saturday, Cherie Moran and Carleen Morris did a Sand Tray Therapy session with a small group of bereaved mums. Most came to the session, having no idea what Sand Tray was about, and keen to learn more. Cherie & Carleen sensitively led us through a process of arranging small figurines and symbols in trays of sand to represent something important in our lives, and then talking about the feelings this brought up. Participants commented afterwards that it was a very powerful session.   

Some of the feedback we have received on our conference follows (This is verbal, through email and through some of the feedback forms that have been returned to us)

  “Well done! What a great couple of days and a fantastic venue. It was a great opportunity to mix and mingle with the other delegates” 

“Awesome conference” 

“It has helped us to greatly understand our patients perspective.  We look forward to the next conference.”

 “The sessions I attended were very interesting and well-presented, and I learned a lot!” 

“I really enjoyed it and it was a good time to network with others again. You all did a fantastic job and I probably can't even imagine how much work it took to make everything come together so wonderfully.” 

“A rich experience for all concerned, me included”

 “As a student midwife it really took some of the fear out of being confronted with this scenario in practice, and gave me some great tools to make the process easier for bereaved parents.” 

“I would like to thank Clare Ayers for leading us in a moving memorial service early on Friday morning.” 

“This is the first Sands Conference I have attended.  I didn’t quite know what to expect but in all honesty I got more out of it than I have ever imagined.  The highlights for me were:

-          The 5 hours with Raja.  Thank you Claudia for sharing your amazing journey with us all.  You are such an inspiration, your strength and beauty so shined through. 

 -          The Sand Tray Therapy.  I honestly thought I would get a tray of Sand of play with but NO it was one of the most healing things I had ever done.  Who would have known little trinkets in Sand could bring to the surface so many emotions.   Thank you Cherie and Alana.

-          Sherokee's talk on Subsequent Pregnancy not only opened my eyes to the concept but my mind also.  I so can’t wait till 2011 for the next Conference.   Thank you to all who were involved in organizing the Conference.” - Fleur 

“Very thought provoking and a valuable learning experience – Thank you to all concerned.” 

“Five hours with Raja – very moving & quite possibly life changing. An incredible family.”

 “The Parents Panel and the NICU session were great” 

“Found Simon Manning and Clare Ayers most beneficial’ 

Thank you to all who attended or spoke and made these two days possible.